Mar 1, 2005

Jonny Glow

Jonny GlowJONNY GLOW™ is uniquely designed to "help you see where you are going" in the middle of the night. Once applied to your toilet, the glow-in-the-dark strips of JONNY GLOW™ will help you to accurately use the facilities without missing and creating unwanted mess.

With Jonny Glow, trips to the bathroom can now be taken without turning on the bathroom light! Jonny Glow lights the rim of the toilet for use in the dark, eliminating unwanted mess.

Helps you see where you're going.

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Murphy's Law

If anything can go wrong, it will.

Jesrad writes "A mathematician, a psychologist and an economist commissioned by British Gas have finally put into mathematical terms what we all knew: that things don't just go wrong, they do so at the most annoying moment.The formula, ((U+C+I) x (10-S))/20 x A x 1/(1-sin(F/10)), indicates that to beat Murphy's Law (a.k.a. Sod's Law) you need to change one of the parameter: U for urgency, C for complexity, I for importance, S for skill, F for frequency and A for aggravation. Or in the researchers' own words: "If you haven't got the skill to do something important, leave it alone. If something is urgent or complex, find a simple way to do it. If something going wrong will particularly aggravate you, make certain you know how to do it." Don't you like it when maths back up common sense ?"
All the laws of Murphy in one place.

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A compendium of cigarette smoking knowledge and information

cigarette smoking
Picture from
The Mysterious French Inhale

The French Inhale is used to impress people that don't know how to do it. It's also fun and refreshingly zings your nasal passages. It is quite simple, and is much easier than playing a didgeridoo.

The scene:
You blow smoke out of your mouth and simultaneously inhale it through your nose.

The method:

1. Take a drag on your cigarette.
2. Pull (suck, but only with your mouth, like a straw) the smoke into your mouth.
3. If you have any air in your lungs, exhale it through your nose, but keep the smoke in your mouth.
4. Blow the smoke out of your mouth without using your lungs. Force it out of your mouth with your cheeks and/or let it drift. Blow the smoke slightly upwards to make it easier.
5. Inhale the smoke, using your lungs, through your nose.

Congratulations, you can now torture your friends who will most likely never figure this out on their own.

The Joy and Art of Rolling Your Own Ciggies

As long as you're going to inhale carcinogens, you might as well provide your own means of doing so. As the Zig-Zag package states, "It brings out the full flavour of your favourite tobacco", and despite its British spellings, that is still true. I personally find it much more pleasurable and meaningful to roll my own cigarettes, as the anticipation builds up before each smoke. This is my method:

If you don't have any tobacco available, you might do what I am sometimes forced to do...scrounging the last bit of unsmoked tobacco from other peoples' cigarettes. You may have a relative, friend, hospital, or office building near you where you could aquire some butts. This has been referred to as "hobo blend".

You need tobacco, rolling papers, and a wet tongue. Fingers are also useful.

1. Lay the paper glue-side up, with the glue facing away from you.
2. Sprinkle the tobacco onto the paper, and try to get more of it towards you than the glue, although you can also do this at a later stage. The amount of tobacco you use will determine how thin the cigarette will be. You must experiment to find your desired thickness.
3. Pick it up from the short edges, and be careful that none falls off.
4. Roll it slightly, back and forth, from long edge to long edge. Work the tobacco towards you. Again, the glue should be facing upwards and away from you.
5. There should now be considerably more paper visible on the far side than the side nearest to you. Make sure that a little bit of paper is bare at both ends, enough to twist it off (my personal method).
6. Roll it. With a steady hand, roll it evenly away from you and towards the glue. Roll the close edge into the glue side so it overlaps. At this stage you may want to invert it so you are holding it sort of like a camera, so you can finish it with your thumbs. This is what I do. However you do it, make sure it is tight. Loose cigarettes are a hassle.
7. Lick the glue and attach it tightly to the cigarette.
8. For the final touch, pinch the empty part of the paper on one side of the cigarette, and turn this side so that the tobacco can settle inside the cigarette towards your fingers. Twist off this end tightly, but don't break it. Repeat this process on the other side.
When ready to smoke, twist your desired end (one end will undoubtedly look better than the other) until it is so tight that you can't twist it without breaking it. Bite it near the base of the twist, place it in your mouth, and light the other end.

This is my preferred method of cigarette rolling. It is not fancy and is easy to perfect. I recommend Zen rolling tobacco and you can either use the papers that come with it or my favorites, Alien or Graffix brand. You can also use the traditional Zig-Zags, but in my opinion they are too slippery.

The "Ghetto Blast"

This is the only term I've heard used for this technique, so that's what I call it. you could call it the Disappearing Cloud or whatever for all I care.

The scene:
You take a hit and blow it out a bit so there's a cloud in front of your mouth. Then it disappears back into your mouth.

The method:

1. Take a drag, keep it in your mouth like the French Inhale.
2. Open your mouth a bit, even more if you want to look like a fish. Push the smoke out with your tongue and cheeks so you can barely see it.
3. Inhale it with your lungs, not your mouth. If you inhale with your mouth you'll lose the smoke.

That one is pretty simple. You can do a combination French and Blast (hey, a French Blast) by inhaling through your nose and mouth when you do the regular "Ghetto Blast".

Renegade Baseball Bat


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Caught on Tape: Puppy Stolen

Puppy Stolen
By Lindy Thackston
First Coast News

JACKSONVILLE, FL -- They are tiny, and worth big bucks.

"If they want it bad enough, they'll get it," said Marsha Kello, owner of Puppies Galore and More.

For the tenth time since Kello opened shop five years ago, a puppy was stolen during business hours.

He was being sold for $850.00.

"The poor little thing is so little that we didn't even notice," said Kello.

Kello didn't notice until the chihuahua's new owner came to pick him up Monday afternoon.

That's when Kello went to the surveillance tape.

After watching it over and over, frame by frame, she believes two women took the puppy by hiding it in one of their jackets.

The girls enter the store on the tape around 12:20 Monday afternoon, hang around the puppy's cage, and leave a few minutes later.

The puppy that was stolen is on a very strict diet to combat low blood sugar. He needs certain foods at certain times of the day to stay alive.

The puppy is a tan colored chihuahua with white markings. He is eight and a half weeks old and weighs one pound.

The store is offering a $200 reward.

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Jilted Girlfriend?

 Jilted Girlfriend?

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I Wonder What He Did?

He look pleased about it

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Fake Viagra Warning

Hanoi - A Vietnamese man who took a fake tablet of the impotence drug Viagra was admitted to hospital after his erection lasted two days, doctors said Thursday.

The 47-year-old man was admitted Sunday to Binh Dan Hospital in Ho Chi Minh City from nearby Vinh Long province, two days after taking the Chinese-made tablet, said a doctor from the hospital where he was treated.

The man bought the pill from an acquaintance for less than two dollars (R12) last Friday and took it that evening. The man did not have intercourse after taking the pill, but could not get rid of the erection, said the doctor who declined to be named.

Doctors performed a minor operation to drain some blood from the man's erect penis. They were not sure what was contained in the pill since no samples were available. - Sapa-DPA

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The Headbanger

Bang out all your frustrations.

Ever get so frustrated you want to bang your head against the wall?

Though banging one's head against a wall has certain benefits, there are down sides, too.

  1. It often damages the wall.
  2. It disturbs co-workers in neighboring offices or cubicles.
  3. Head banging injuries are often not covered by company health plans. (Insurance companies consider it cosmetic brain surgery.)
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Indian Sadhu

Nice dreads

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Jan 1, 2005

Indoor Beach

Indoor Beach1
Indoor Beach2
Indoor Beach3Indoor Beach4

Sun, sand and surf were everyone's prescription for holiday paradise, but, in the south of Japan, they leave nothing to Mother Nature.

Imagine a beach where the sky is always blue, it's never too hot or cold, the water isn't filled with salt and pollution, and the surf is always perfect - welcome to Ocean Dome, the world's only indoor beach. Amazing photos.

Ocean Dome has its own flame-spitting volcano, crushed white marble "sand", and it also boasts the world's largest retractable roof, providing a permanently blue sky. Temperature, wind and humidity are closely controlled to provide an ultra-safe "sea-side" experience.

Every hour, the volcano erupts and the hi-tech wave machines start up, starting a few minutes of sanitised surfing.

Entrance costs US$50, which seems especially expensive given that there is a free, natural beach only 300 metres away.

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In The Name Of Education - Teacher drops his trousers in front of 300 students.

Before reading on, remember that truth is sometimes stranger than fiction. The highlight of Professor Burger's April, 1993 talk to more than 300 Williams College students and their parents occurred when he tied his feet together with a stout rope, leaped onto the table, dramatically removed his photo of man with pants downbelt, unzipped his zipper, and dropped his pants. The purple cows (Williams mascots) that were mooing about on his baggy boxer shorts completed an image not soon forgotten in the annals of mathematical talks. The more conservative members of the audience were contemplating a transfer of their sons and daughters to a less progressive school.

But then, at that moment of maximum bewilderment and absolute disbelief, Professor Burger did the seemingly impossible feat of rehabilitating his fast-sinking reputation. He turned his pants inside out without removing the rope attached to his feet and pulled his trousers back to their accustomed position (though inside out). Thus he simultaneously restored his modesty and his credibility by demonstrating the mathematical triumph of reversing his pants without removing the rope that was tying his feet together.

Please attempt to duplicate Professor Burger's amazing feat-in the privacy of your room, of course. You will need a rope or cord about 5 feet long. One end of the rope should be tied snugly around one ankle and the other end tied equally snugly about the other ankle. Now, without removing the rope, try to take your pants off, turn them inside out, and put them back on so that you, the rope, and your pants are all exactly as they were at the start, with the exception of your pants being inside out. While some may find this experiment intriguing, others may find it in poor taste. Everyone will agree, however, that surprising out comes can arise if we are allowed to bend and contort objects and space.

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Mail Order Husbands when speed dating is too slow. Mail Order Husbands

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Comfortably Dumb

when pigs fly
An artist’s rendering of the day Palestinians
decide they want to live in peace.

Entertainers. Can any waft of logic pierce the overpowering scent of narcissicism in their deviated septums? Looking to succeed where Jason Alexander, Danny DeVito, Rhea Pearlman, Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston and Edward Norton (Death To Smoochy) failed, Roger Waters thinks his tortured vocals and now decades long musical impotence will tear down the wall that has helped save Israelis from Palestinian suicide bombers that rained the Intifada on every pizza parlor and Seder supper.

Succumbing to pleas from his Hamas co-conspirators after they threatened boycotting his “peace” concert from being held in Tel Aviv, Waters helped put it all in perspective in the manner that’s kept him so culturally relevant since embarking on his solo career:

“I am happy to play to anybody who believes in peace. I don’t discriminate between any of my fans, wherever they live. Being an Israeli does not disbar from being a human being.

Glad we cleared that up. Israelis are humans. Recognizing their statehood can’t be far behind!

Recently, San Francisco’s Indymedia reprinted an “open letter” from the Electronic Intifada to Waters and helped put it in terms we’re more accustomed to hearing:

Dear Mr. Waters,

The Palestinian arts community received in disbelief the news of your upcoming performance in Tel Aviv in June, at a time when Israel continues unabated with its colonial and apartheid designs to further dispossess, oppress and ultimately ethnically cleanse Palestinians from their homeland. We strongly urge you to cancel your plans to perform in Israel until the time comes when it ends its illegal occupation of Palestinian territory and respects the relevant precepts of international law concerning Palestinian rights to freedom, self-determination and equality.
Ironically, when you were invited last year to perform in the Palestine International Festival 2005, the theme of that festival was “Another BREAK in the Wall!” The following lyrics for a song which was to be performed by school children were inspired by your timeless song:

We don’t need no occupation
We don’t need no racist wall
No more siege and no more curfews
Soldiers leave us kids alone
Hey! Soldiers! Leave us kids alone!
All in all you’re just another brick in the wall
All in all we’ve just made another BREAK in the wall

These words still express our collective view of the Wall, of our oppressors, and are still inspired by you. Do they still mean the same to you?

We appeal to your moral compass…

Consider that message received. Roger Waters will continue making an ass of himself and continue defiling the memory of one of the greatest rock bands of all time June 22 by performing “Dark Side of the Moon” in it’s entirety by himself to the delight of suicide bombers who planned to boycott the event all together rather than feign allegiance to his pious and delusional call for unity.

Woohoo!!!! Play Brain Damage!

UPDATE: SUICIDE BOMBER KILLED 6 IN TEL AVIV - I guess we should blame Ticketmaster for that.

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Hiroshima engineers develop robotic carp

robotic carpRyomei Engineering (a subsidiary of Mitsubishi Heavy Industries), in cooperation with two other Hiroshima-area engineering companies, has developed a robot resembling a koi carp. The robot was demonstrated at a pond on the grounds of Hiroshima Machinery Works.

The robot is modeled after a Nishiki koi carp as a form of tribute to Hiroshima Castle (whose nickname Ri-jo means Koi Castle). The 80-cm (31-inch), 12-kg (26-pound) fish has a white body with bright red spots. Though the tail movement is very smooth and lifelike, the remote-controlled koi is capable of moves that a genuine koi is unable to perform, such as swimming in reverse and rotating in place.

The robot is Ryomei Engineering’s fifth in a line of fish robots that includes a sea bream, a prehistoric coelacanth, and a golden carp. New features added to the robotic koi include a CCD camera built into the head and sensors for analyzing water quality.

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Watch much TV?

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DigiBless - blessed electronic documents

At our site you can have all of your electronic documents blessed with a blessing of your own choice, using our Holy Server.

Here at DigiBless we have decided that it is time to bring God into the virtual world, and so we provide this service free to believers all around the world. All we ask, is a small donation to enable us to continue to spread the word and blessings of Jesus Christ, Our Lord.

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Make Your Own Ice Cream In 30 Seconds (Using liquid nitrogen)


- 5 or more liters of liquid nitrogen and associated safety gear
- 2 quarts (1.9 liters) of Half and Half
- 1 cup (237 ml) of sugar
- 4 teaspoons (20 ml) of vanilla (optional)
- 2 cups (473 ml) of strawberries (or whatever flavor you like)
- wooden spoon
- wire wisk
- large plastic punch bowl


1. Mix the Half and Half, sugar and vanilla in a large plastic punch bowl with a wire wisk.
2. Add the flavoring. Wire wisk the mixture further if needed.
3. Pour a small amount (about 250 ml) of liquid nitrogen directly into the plastic punch bowl.
4. Stir the mixture with a wooden spoon. Be careful not to splash! (Helpers should be wearing gloves and goggles!!)
5. Keep adding small amounts of liquid nitrogen until the mixture becomes too thick to stir.
6. Allow any excess liquid nitrogen to boil off before serving.

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Tourists From The Planet Tharg


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Russian scientists who invented hangover cure make pill that keeps you drunk

The makers of RU-21, the "miracle" hangover cure reputedly developed for Soviet spies, have developed a product to keep you drunk.

Spirit Sciences, which is based in California but has research facilities in Russia employing scientists who once worked on secret programmes for the Kremlin, have christened the new product RU-21 Red.

If you take a tablet you need less alcohol to stay drunk, they claim. Emil Chiabery, a co-founder of the company, told The Telegraph from his offices in Los Angeles: "I never drink and there's no personal story. But RU-21 Red prolongs drunkenness and enhances intoxication.''

RU-21, the company's original product, is sold as a natural dietary supplement in the US and Britain. It officially claims to help prevent long-term diseases associated with moderate alcohol intake.

But among its ingredients are acids that are natural anti-oxidants and reportedly rid the body of some of the harmful by-products of alcohol breakdown that lead to hangovers.

The new pill, which contains grapevine extracts intended to slow down the oxidation of alcohol and keep the user drunk, has been criticised. The weight of criticism means the company may now reconsider introducing it to the market.

Mr Chiabery, who was born in what was then the Soviet republic of Georgia, said: "I'm not sure I'm going to market it in the USA. I don't want it to become a party drug. We are for responsible drinking."

The company makes no secret of the fact that its hangover cure is aimed at party-goers anxious to avoid the debilitating morning-after effects of heavy drinking. The company sponsors concerts and pop groups.

The product, which is marketed with a video showing KGB types in the shadow of the Kremlin handing over a briefcase of money in exchange for the secret formula, earns hundreds of thousands of pounds a year in sales in the US.

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