BEIJING — The 12 teenagers and young adults, some in ripped jeans and baggy T-shirts, sit in a circle, chewing gum and fidgeting as they shyly introduce themselves. "I'm 12 years old," one boy announces with a smile. "I love playing computer games. That's it."

A 12-year-old boy receives electric shock treatment at the Beijing Military Region Central Hospital.

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These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?!
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

More Excerpts from Court Reporters

Type in your accusation and the little man will apologise.

Some are cheerful, some gloomy, serious or naive, but I'm naturally guilty. No matter what I do or don't do, it always seems like I am to blame.

Then there are people who are rude, inconsiderate and insesitive. It seems only fair that I should apologise on their behalf.

You are a filthy lying bastard!

Sorry 76545: Oh yes? Well in that case: please forgive me.

I don't know where in the world, or indeed, why.

With the Brief Safe.

The "Brief Safe" is an innovative diversion safe that can secure your cash, documents, and other small valuables from inquisitive eyes and thieving hands, both at home and when you're travelling. Items can be hidden right under their noses with these specially-designed briefs which contain a fly-accessed 4" x 10" secret compartment with Velcro closure and "special markings" on the lower rear portion. Leave the "Brief Safe" in plain view in your laundry basket or washing machine at home, or in your suitcase in a hotel room - even the most hardened burgler or most curious snoop will "skid" to a screeching halt as soon as they see them.

For added credence, you can buy Doo Drops.

If you've got the time and/or inclination, have a look at the other stuff these people sell.

A state board voted to publicly reprimand a Central Linn High School teacher and football coach for licking the bleeding wounds of several student athletes.

The Oregon Teacher Standards and Practices Commission Wednesday placed Scott Reed on two years' probation.

Details of the case and censure will go on the commission Web site and be sent to all Oregon school districts and to departments of education nationwide.

Reed must attend a class on the risks of blood-borne pathogens within the next two months and furnish the commission with written verification of his attendance.

Reed agreed to "stipulated facts" that included him licking blood from wounds on a track team member's knee, a football player's arm, and a high school student's hand.

It was not clear why he licked the wounds.

The Linn County Sheriff's Office investigated the case last year. No charges were filed. Sheriff Dave Burright called the behavior "bizarre" but not criminal, since the contact wasn't forced.