Mar 1, 2005

A compendium of cigarette smoking knowledge and information

cigarette smoking
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The Mysterious French Inhale

The French Inhale is used to impress people that don't know how to do it. It's also fun and refreshingly zings your nasal passages. It is quite simple, and is much easier than playing a didgeridoo.

The scene:
You blow smoke out of your mouth and simultaneously inhale it through your nose.

The method:

1. Take a drag on your cigarette.
2. Pull (suck, but only with your mouth, like a straw) the smoke into your mouth.
3. If you have any air in your lungs, exhale it through your nose, but keep the smoke in your mouth.
4. Blow the smoke out of your mouth without using your lungs. Force it out of your mouth with your cheeks and/or let it drift. Blow the smoke slightly upwards to make it easier.
5. Inhale the smoke, using your lungs, through your nose.

Congratulations, you can now torture your friends who will most likely never figure this out on their own.

The Joy and Art of Rolling Your Own Ciggies

As long as you're going to inhale carcinogens, you might as well provide your own means of doing so. As the Zig-Zag package states, "It brings out the full flavour of your favourite tobacco", and despite its British spellings, that is still true. I personally find it much more pleasurable and meaningful to roll my own cigarettes, as the anticipation builds up before each smoke. This is my method:

If you don't have any tobacco available, you might do what I am sometimes forced to do...scrounging the last bit of unsmoked tobacco from other peoples' cigarettes. You may have a relative, friend, hospital, or office building near you where you could aquire some butts. This has been referred to as "hobo blend".

You need tobacco, rolling papers, and a wet tongue. Fingers are also useful.

1. Lay the paper glue-side up, with the glue facing away from you.
2. Sprinkle the tobacco onto the paper, and try to get more of it towards you than the glue, although you can also do this at a later stage. The amount of tobacco you use will determine how thin the cigarette will be. You must experiment to find your desired thickness.
3. Pick it up from the short edges, and be careful that none falls off.
4. Roll it slightly, back and forth, from long edge to long edge. Work the tobacco towards you. Again, the glue should be facing upwards and away from you.
5. There should now be considerably more paper visible on the far side than the side nearest to you. Make sure that a little bit of paper is bare at both ends, enough to twist it off (my personal method).
6. Roll it. With a steady hand, roll it evenly away from you and towards the glue. Roll the close edge into the glue side so it overlaps. At this stage you may want to invert it so you are holding it sort of like a camera, so you can finish it with your thumbs. This is what I do. However you do it, make sure it is tight. Loose cigarettes are a hassle.
7. Lick the glue and attach it tightly to the cigarette.
8. For the final touch, pinch the empty part of the paper on one side of the cigarette, and turn this side so that the tobacco can settle inside the cigarette towards your fingers. Twist off this end tightly, but don't break it. Repeat this process on the other side.
When ready to smoke, twist your desired end (one end will undoubtedly look better than the other) until it is so tight that you can't twist it without breaking it. Bite it near the base of the twist, place it in your mouth, and light the other end.

This is my preferred method of cigarette rolling. It is not fancy and is easy to perfect. I recommend Zen rolling tobacco and you can either use the papers that come with it or my favorites, Alien or Graffix brand. You can also use the traditional Zig-Zags, but in my opinion they are too slippery.

The "Ghetto Blast"

This is the only term I've heard used for this technique, so that's what I call it. you could call it the Disappearing Cloud or whatever for all I care.

The scene:
You take a hit and blow it out a bit so there's a cloud in front of your mouth. Then it disappears back into your mouth.

The method:

1. Take a drag, keep it in your mouth like the French Inhale.
2. Open your mouth a bit, even more if you want to look like a fish. Push the smoke out with your tongue and cheeks so you can barely see it.
3. Inhale it with your lungs, not your mouth. If you inhale with your mouth you'll lose the smoke.

That one is pretty simple. You can do a combination French and Blast (hey, a French Blast) by inhaling through your nose and mouth when you do the regular "Ghetto Blast".